By Kimberly Inskeep
 
What we wear shapes identity, sends signals, and teaches girls who they’re becoming.

Kim Johnson is the Founder of The Darling Day, a brand that’s all about confidence and connection for women.  And she loves that Foxtale is doing the same for young girls. She and I were kibitzing about her recent experience of attending the Nutcracker where the performers had clearly spent months rehearsing for this special moment. While she had worn a beautiful tulle skirt and bright pink jacket, she noticed how many people looked like they had come straight from doing yardwork. She couldn’t help but feel like it dishonored the effort those performers had put in.

Many people agree something has shifted culturally around how we dress, but few hold themselves or their kids to a standard we once shared. That gap is what social scientists call the attitude-behavior gap: when our stated values don’t quite match how we act day to day. Research shows people often share values, like respect and intentionality, yet default to habits of comfort or convenience.

Our clothing choices reflect that tension. This is part of why there was mixed reaction to a recent call by the U.S. Transportation Secretary for travelers to stop wearing pajamas on airplanes -  not as a rule, but as a call for civility. Etiquette experts supporting the effort emphasized that it’s not about formality or social status, but about the respect we show ourselves and others, noting that intentional attire encourages considerate interactions.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable. But when self-comfort overrides everything else, something deeper begins to erode. Because how we dress doesn’t just affect how we feel. It also communicates something to everyone around us.

Let me paint the picture.

I recently spoke with grandparents who had taken their grandchildren to dinner. They shared with huge smiles how special they felt when the kids ran to the door; his fresh button-down shirt, her bow in hair. In essence, their clothes were communicating: “You matter. I dressed with YOU in mind.” Had they shown up in their favorite sweatshirts and sweatpants, they would in essence be saying: Thanks for creating something special for us… but we didn’t feel the need to offer anything special back.

What we wear sends a message — not just to ourselves, but to others. It is a fact, psychologists have long recognized clothing impacts more than we realize. From the moment we enter a room, what we wear becomes one of the most powerful cues others use to evaluate confidence, credibility, care, and even intelligence.

I’ve previously referred to a psychological concept called “enclothed cognition”, developed by Drs. Adam & Galinsky who says that what we wear actually changes the way we think and feel. Girls, in particular, report feeling more confident and capable when they’ve thoughtfully dressed. And Dr. Karen Pine, a professor of psychology and author of Mind What You Wear, has shown that clothing doesn’t just reflect who we are, it teaches us who we’re becoming.

Once upon a time, we knew all this! And then the pandemic. Loungewear became daily wear. Dressing up felt optional. And after two years of habit-forming comfort, we’ve crossed a line. Will this be the new normal? I hope not.

As Kim Johnson said in our conversation about dressing for special occasions: “I want to bring that back. Not as pressure, but as permission.”

What This Means for Our Girls and Why it Matters for Foxtale

After two decades with cabi, the women’s clothing brand, I’ve seen firsthand how confidence changes when clothing aligns with identity. At Foxtale, we’re applying that same philosophy earlier, at the most formative time of all. Girlhood is that fleeting, pivotal window between childhood and adolescence where identity is being formed, confidence is being tested, and the world is whispering (or shouting) its own definitions of what it means to be seen, understood, even powerful.

Girlhood is short, but what she wears lasts longer than you think.

At Foxtale, we say it often: What she wears becomes who she’s becoming.
Why? Because style at this age is more than self-expression; it’s identity rehearsal. And every time she gets dressed, she’s trying on more than an outfit. She’s trying on a self.

When she puts on something thoughtful, she often acts more thoughtfully. When she dresses with confidence, she walks with it. And when she sees others take care in how they show up, she learns that events, people, and moments are worth honoring.

At Foxtale, we know that feeling confident and feeling comfortable are not mutually exclusive. They can co-exist. In fact, every one of our designs is rooted in movement, softness, and play.  We aren’t against comfort. We are for something more:

• We stand for style that honors her stage of life and invites her to grow up well.
  
• We stand for helping her become the subject of her story, not the object of someone else’s gaze.
  
• And we’re here to remind parents that how we show up shapes what our girls believe about growing up.

Three Small Shifts to Reclaim the Power of Dressing for the Moment

1. Talk about the “why” behind getting ready.
   Before a special event, ask: “What would it look like to dress in a way that says, ‘you matter’ to the people you are honoring with your presence?”
   
2. Honor everyday rituals.
   A birthday dinner, a family show, a trip to the airport — use these moments to teach her that people and events are worth dressing up for.
   
3. Affirm her effort.
   When she puts in thought or intention, tell her what you see: “You look like you really like this outfit”, or  “You look like you’re ready to be the main character in your story today.”

Ultimately, this isn’t about fashion. It’s about formation. Because in the in-between years, that sacred space between little girl and young woman, our daughters are learning to love who they’re becoming.

Her confidence grows as she dresses to honor the moment she’s in and the people around her.

So, whether it’s a holiday outfit, or her everyday jeans, let what she wears tell the story of intention, honor, and confidence.

Because girlhood isn’t just a phase. It’s the foundation.