What a Halloween Costume Can Teach Us About Confidence and Girlhood
By Kimberly Inskeep
Walk through a Halloween store (or scroll through one online), and you may notice something quietly unsettling. Among the glitter and polyester, the costumes once rooted in imagination like animals, astronauts, fairies, pirates, and queens, now hang alongside something else: many options for girls feel more like dress rehearsals for becoming adult icons than celebrations of childhood imagination.
Decades ago, industry leaders coined the term KAGOY: Kids Are Getting Older Younger. It wasn’t just an observation. Age compression became a strategy. And Halloween has become yet another place where commerce reinforces the broader cultural script that nudges girls to trade make-believe for mimicry of celebrities or icons beyond their years.
And here’s the nuance we often miss: She’s learning who she is in the same moments the world is telling her who to be.
These small, seemingly lighthearted moments, like picking out a costume, carry quiet but powerful lessons. And if we’re not paying attention, we may miss the opportunity to help her tell a different story.
Take Heart: What Clothing (and Costumes) Can Teach Her About Confidence
There’s a fascinating concept in developmental psychology called enclothed cognition. It’s the idea that what we wear affects how we think, feel, and behave. Research by Dr. Karen Pine shows this is especially true for girls and women.
Clothing isn’t just personal style. It’s identity-shaping.
And that can actually be good news. Because every outfit, even a Halloween costume, can be a doorway into a meaningful and important conversation. These conversations don’t have to be lectures or battles. They can be bridges. They can be soulful.
Here’s how to get started.
Connection Before Correction
Psychologist Lisa Damour reminds us: when talking with girls, connection comes first. If you jump into critique mode. “You’re not wearing that”. You may shut the door. Instead, get curious. Ask questions. Listen well. And then, ask more questions. It may feel like you’re not getting the end result you want, but you are gently planting seeds that take root.
Align Appearance and Authenticity
Author Rachel Simmons says girls build confidence when they feel aligned with their true inner-self. So, try to help her see that fashion can be a way of expressing her individuality, not mimicking someone else or crowd-pleasing. What she wears should make her feel more like herself — not more like someone else. It may seem counterintuitive to talk about authenticity and being her truest self around Halloween, a holiday that hinges on pretend and performance. But here’s the thing: knowing who she is, what she likes, what makes her comfortable – and being able to speak up and makes those choices for herself – builds confidence.
Three Questions to Open the Door to Conversation
Rather than dictate, try asking:
- “What story do you want your outfit to tell about you?”
- “Did you choose that outfit (or costume) because you like it, or because you feel like others will like it?
- “What would confidence look when it’s not about attention?” or “What makes you feel strong on the inside even when no one’s watching?”
There’s no “right” answer to these. But they do something powerful: they give you the opportunity to gently lead her to become the subject of her story — not the object of someone else’s gaze.
Because when a girl dresses as an object, she often starts to think like one. But when she dresses as a subject, she begins to behave like one. And the truth is simple but profound: what she wears can teach her how to stand confidently in her own story.
Let’s remind her:
She doesn’t have to be the object of someone else’s story.
She can be the subject of her own.
And when she is?
That’s where real confidence begins.
In an upcoming article, we’ll explore more about how early puberty, social media, and age compression intersect with identity — and how brands and parents can work together to protect and nurture a girl’s developing sense of self.
